In re I’ve only got a hammer, and every yapping dog looks like a nail to me…
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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Indeed… next they’ll be terrified of toddlers. Oh wait…
You know why cops shoot dogs? Same reason a dog licks his ‘nads. Because he can.
When I delivered newspapers as a kid, I found a quick kick with a tennis shoe or swat from the rolled paper deterred those small dogs. Bigger dogs required wearing boots. Then again, I was just a kid making an honest living not an officially sanctioned oppressor.
Someone pointed out once that there has never been a recorded incident of a mail carrier shooting a dog – or being seriously injured by one. And they’re required to walk into peoples’ yards day after day unarmed, dog or no dog. In case of real danger the carrier has the option of refusing to deliver the mail until the dog owner gets the beast under control, but he may not shoot it. And while that has been the cause of innumerable dog-and-mailman jokes, it has never ended very badly for either party.