Remember, Citizens: It is a federal crime to shout “help, rape,” during your comprehensive physical screening*…

U.S. Airport Pat-Downs Are About to Get More Invasive

While few have noticed, U.S. airport security workers long had the option of using five different types of physical pat-downs at the screening line. Now those options have been eliminated and replaced with a single universal approach. This time, you will notice.

The new physical touching—for those selected to have a pat-down—will be be what the federal agency officially describes as a more “comprehensive” physical screening, according to a Transportation Security Administration spokesman.

Denver International Airport, for example, notified employees and flight crews on Thursday that the “more rigorous” searches “will be more thorough and may involve an officer making more intimate contact than before.”


*It actually is.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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5 Responses to Remember, Citizens: It is a federal crime to shout “help, rape,” during your comprehensive physical screening*…

  1. Matt says:


    I used to fly commercial pre-9/11, in order to jump out of planes in warmer climates.

    After a few severe barometric trauma injuries in 2002 I had to give up the sport, even though I tried to stay in it as a hobby, rather than an occupation.

    I cannot imagine WHY I would fly commercial ever again, (TSA). Hell, in 1999 or 2000, 15 of my friends and I got on a plane bound for FL from BALT, WEARING our rigs…it raised eyebrows, but no big deal.

    Most of the 15 were like me, “1600+ takeoffs, 5-7 landings in an airplane…Thanks, but I KNOW how to land (my parachute),,,but I can’t fly to FL. I’ll just be ready to get out …there, or along the way.” Just like we are on ANY jump plane.

    On that return trip, I was nearly convinced that the plane was in the sky by flapping it’s wings after flying through a big ass storm. I wanted OUT.


  2. Joel says:

    The first time I ever flew in a commercial airliner (or at all, for that matter) I was carrying a rifle. The stewardess smiled and asked if she could put that in a closet for me.

    (sigh) Clearly I am old. I am nostalgic for a lower level of police state.

  3. Who...Me? says:

    I sometimes boggle the minds of the youngsters at work when I tell them I used to board the school bus with my .22 rifle twice a week for rifle team.

  4. When word of the TSA first came out I immediately thought of the song “Popsicle” by the Talking Heads. I wonder how an a cappella impromptu delivery would go over as a ‘search’ begins? Probably a great way to get hauled away and miss the flight – and even worse they probably wouldn’t get it and couldn’t appreciate it.

    I think it would make for a great ‘flash mob’ performance too – but again – probably a waste.

    As to what Byrne was thinking when he wrote that (I’m assuming he did…) – I have no idea what he had in mind and probably don’t want to know. It’s probably just as twisted and weird as the mere notion of the TSA is.

    Give it a few more years and the TSA might even use the song in a PSA – pervs that they are.

  5. Pingback: Just When You Thought It Was Safe – To Travel By Air… | Guffaw in AZ

To the stake with the heretic!