Spammo Classico

People think I live alone in the desert because of my desire for quiet and solitude, my disgust with civilization as it has degenerated under the corrupt, clandestine rule of the Hapsburgs, or my profound psychological abnormalities. Or perhaps it was my pursuit of spiritual enlightenment.

Heh. Naw, I just made that last one up. Really it was the food.

Let me share with you my very favorite quick breakfast. Just because I like you.

Spammo Classico begins with four slices of the finest Spam. Slice three thin and one thickish.

Spammo Classico begins with four slices of the finest Spam. Slice three thin and one thickish.

Fry both sides of each to a golden, greasy brown. Use your medium skillet, because your griddle will be busy elsewhere.
Now cut three nice thick slices of home-baked bread. Toast them on one side only.

Now cut three nice thick slices of home-baked bread. Toast them on one side only.

I’ve no idea what gourmet chefs use, but desert hermits use well-seasoned cast iron. Uphill both ways. In the snow, all year ’round.
After the toasting but before the egg frying, turn down the fire and melt a pat of cheap margarine on your griddle.

After the toasting but before the egg frying, turn down the fire and melt a pat of cheap margarine on your griddle.

So much for preparation. Here comes the tricky part…
Crack three fresh eggs into the griddle, break the yolks, and top each with a thin slice of fried Spam.

Crack three fresh eggs into the griddle, break the yolks, and top each with a thin slice of fried Spam.

Extra points if they’re still warm from the chickens’ asses.
You're wondering what that fourth slice of Spam is for, aren't you? So are the boys, who hope they know.

You’re wondering what that fourth slice of Spam is for, aren’t you? So are the boys, who hope they know.

Quick before the egg white set up, slap the toast down on each egg and Spam slice, untoasted side down.

Quick before the egg white set up, slap the toast down on each egg and Spam slice, untoasted side down.

Cook it till the eggs are fried to your individual taste. Cut the eggs apart and serve. To yourself.
Presentation is everything, people. Everything.

Presentation is everything, people. Everything.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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6 Responses to Spammo Classico

  1. Anonymous says:

    Nicely explained and illustrated. Looks awesome – I’m a Treet fan myself, but that would work with the above.

    Ever cooked a ‘hole in the bread’ sandwich ? Very similar to that, you cut a hole in the bread, fry in light butter, break egg and pour into bread hole, flip and insert the innards (cheese slice, onion if you like, even some fried up Spam), put other bread and eats. Left apart and without cheese, tastes almost French Toasty.

    You need one of those screaming ‘Cooking Channel’ chefs egging you on!

  2. Scott says:

    The Spam with bacon isn’t bad at all. You can also bake Spam in a toaster oven until brown ( I did this in junior high school as a “latchkey kid”) for Spamburgers. Just keep the little pan that comes with the toaster oven in place, so any gunk that drips off the Spam doesn’t hit a heating element.
    There’s multiple flavors of Spam now..I should stop on the way home and get a couple cans…

  3. coloradohermit says:

    You’ve left Ghost and me hanging about that 4th thickish slice. Inquiring minds want to know.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Joel, you crack me up. Looks good to me.

  5. Buck. says:

    My cardiac surgeon is laughing all the way to his house payments now, thanks to this post. I felt one artery occlude about 4% just reading this. Thanks….pal.

To the stake with the heretic!