People think I live alone in the desert because of my desire for quiet and solitude, my disgust with civilization as it has degenerated under the corrupt, clandestine rule of the Hapsburgs, or my profound psychological abnormalities. Or perhaps it was my pursuit of spiritual enlightenment.
Heh. Naw, I just made that last one up, nobody ever thinks that.
Really it was the food. Let me share with you my very favorite quick breakfast. Just because I like you.
Spammo Classico begins with four slices of the finest Spam. Slice three thin and one thickish.
Fry both sides of each to a golden, greasy brown. Use your medium skillet, because your griddle will be busy elsewhere.
Now cut three nice thick slices of home-baked bread. Toast them on one side only.
I’ve no idea what gourmet chefs use, but desert hermits use well-seasoned cast iron. Uphill both ways. In the snow, all year ’round.
After the toasting but before the egg frying, turn down the fire and melt a pat of cheap margarine on your griddle.
So much for preparation. Here comes the tricky part…
Crack three fresh eggs into the griddle, break the yolks, and top each with a thin slice of fried Spam.
Extra points if they’re still warm from the chickens’ asses.
You’re wondering what that fourth slice of Spam is for, aren’t you? So are the boys, who hope they know.
Quick before the egg white set up, slap the toast down on each egg and Spam slice, untoasted side down.
Cook it till the eggs are fried to your individual taste. Cut the eggs apart and serve. To yourself.
Presentation is everything, people. Everything.