Everyone who ever ran a personal blog such as TUAK knows the fear that one evening, through alcohol, excessive heroin or North Korean brainwashing, he or she will write something … shall we say, excessively revelatory … and post it without sleeping on the matter. You know: Something really whining. Then he or she will wake to find a comment thread full of either pity or pity silence.
Well, fear no more, American bloggers. No matter how far out there you may someday go, it is no longer possible for you to write the worst TMI essay ever. The position is filled.
I go to class. We are discussing Islam in modern society. I chime in. A neighbor, who identifies as male, leans over from across the aisle: “You can’t be pretty and smart.” He thinks he’s giving me a compliment. There is an awkward pause as he waits for me to meekly deny my sexuality. I do not comply. He turns away. I’m not sure he actually listened to anything I said.
I call home. I tell my dad I’m starting a nonprofit that redistributes collegiate athletic shoes. “Is that so?” he asks with a confused inflection. “Isn’t that a bit much?”
He means well.
And so did you, I’m sure, dear. (pat, pat) So did you. I’m sure.
Every time I read or hear some whiny, self-obsessed bullshit like this I almost think we’re doomed. I then pause, take a few breaths, & consider my stepson, a young Marine who’s turned out to be quite an impressive young man (better than I expected, I admit, & it probably has less to do with my raising than who he is as a man).
Dipshits have always been with us, and like the poor, they always will be. This chick is 100% Eloi.
I read her op-ed and I just don’t understand where she comes from. She seems really depressed to be a woman and the whole cross to bear thingy and yet she seems to dislike all men. Life must suck for her. I suspect you have to grow up totally spoiled and privilaged to get this crazy.
It’s amazing that nobody recognizes satire when they see it.
And I am personally amazed that the word “Boners” does not appear anywhere in this essay.
Well done, Hermit. Well done indeed!
It’s hard to take seriously a rant wherein almost every paragraph begins with “I” . . . so one hopes it’s an attempt at satire. That said, there’s a very real possibility that it’s not, given today’s whine-fest attitudes.
Unfortunately, I actually know a few folks who could easily have written this with complete sincerity, and not even realize how pathetic they are.
If it’s satire I’ll be embarrassed, but only a little. It sounds like a good many other coed-scrawled screeds floating about. In a world containing (BIG trigger warning) this apparently sincere creature, how is anyone expected to recognize satire?
Man, I just barely got thru the first two paragraphs of that before I had to stop in order to retain my breakfast.
Personal observation: the writer probably doesn’t have to worry about being “abused” . . . ever, under any circumstances.
I’m sure that both bloggers that Joel uses as examples will do well with their women’s studies degrees.
That was sarcasm, not satire. I’m actually confident that both of these women will live long, miserable lives with at least one cat apiece.