Before this morning I totally did not know this was a thing. Not completely sure I’m happier knowing that it is.
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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Squirrel!!
Working dogs are happy dogs.
Not only is it a thing, but last I heard there were no fewer than three national federations promoting different styles and philosophies of said thing. And naturally border collies and golden retrievers (suckups) are the stars of the thing.
Back when my bully mix Robbie was alive I jokingly considered entering one of these contests. Robbie was always of the firm belief that obedience was optional. And he strongly favored laziness over activity. So I figured I’d do a routine where he sat on his butt and ignored me while I danced around futilely attempting to entice him to waltz with me.
Meh. Some dogs will do anything for treat. I’ll be impressed when they manage this with cats.
I managed to watch about a third of this before bailing, with the conclusion: Stupid Pet Tricks without the humor. In other words, a complete waste of time and effort.
I seem to have a split personality on this subject: Half of me admires the effort that went into teaching that dog all of those tricks. The other half of me insists on asking “why?”
On the one hand it’s an amazing dog. Truly impressive mind on that critter. By comparison, my dog barely manages to mentally focus enough to take a dump on the lawn. On the other hand, the lady turning it into ballet reminds me of the entirety of Portland rolled into one human.
My dog doesn’t dance. It defends against zombies and proofreads my blog entries.