You guys want to see something pathetic?

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Here’s Uncle Joel’s Garden, 2014 Edition, mid-June. Notice something missing?

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In this corner we have a single lonely melon plant and a few weeds. Where the weeds are there used to be three rows of sad-looking pea plants, the closest to an actual crop of something I ever came. They had just about fought off the early-May frost damage when a mouse or something found them. I hope she at least names several dozen babies after me.

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In this corner, three bean plants are barely hanging on. Maybe a dozen made it above the surface at various times, took one look at their surroundings and said, “Oh hell no. I’ll just die now and get it over with.”

That one sprouted onion looks relatively happy, though.

I’d better find a way to make it as a late-in-life writer. I’m shite as a gardener.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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6 Responses to You guys want to see something pathetic?

  1. MamaLiberty says:

    Farming and gardening are a challenge, no matter where you live. Always has been. You have a few more challenges than some, probably fewer than some others. I knew a man who lived in the tropics for a while… said gardening of any kind was impossible there. Too wet, hot, too many insects, rot everywhere, weeds ten feet tall in no time. Not a lot of food growing wild in the jungle, despite the propaganda. He moved back to Texas, poor fool, just as the big drought struck. Oh me.

    When I gardened in the desert, I discovered that most of the insects and critters that damaged my plants were after the moisture, not necessarily wanting to eat the plants. I put out shallow pans of water under the trees, and most of the damage stopped. You could try that. Not sure about the mice, of course.

  2. zelda says:

    Those are nice looking raised beds. Some things that can help – 3 foot tall posts and small opening wire may give your plants some critter protection until the mice learn to climb the wire. Some people have had to build wire cages around their gardens to get anything to eat. Native Seeds SEARCH in Arizona has a wonderful selection of seeds for difficult situations, especially climate extremes like high altitude, short growing seasons, heat and drought. They have a web site with a catalog. I think you can get a lot more to eat with less work if you plant specialized seeds – the Dollar Store isn’t going to be your place to shop for seeds. Create the best soil you can build, with lots of water holding capacity, and then you may get better growth if you grow your seeds in basins like the Ancient Ones did. If you use manure or water evaporates quickly because you haven’t mulched, watch out for salts accumulation in the soil that will kill your seedlings and plants. As soon as the seeds are up and growing, mulch with some of that straw/hay. If you can scrounge some tarps to cover the beds with you can extend your growing season a month or two at each end. You mentioned Ian growing fruit trees – if that’s possible, so are bush fruits, blackberries, gooseberries and raspberries. Gardening is just another opportunity to exercise your creativity and problem solving skills and we know you have lots of both.

  3. This is why I learn the edible wild plants. (“You can live on it, but it tastes like …”)
    I suck as a farmer- always have. I can transplant and grow the native stuff, but growing the delicate garden stuff is not one of my strengths.

  4. jj walker says:

    If you want green vegetables, maybe you should try sprouting – you know, like beans, alfalfa, etc., because you can do that indoors, in covered jars.

    if you can keep them away from pests for three days, you are good.

    seems like less commitment than a raised bed – so less upset if a batch goes bad.

  5. zelda says:

    Kent, you really can garden successfully, not delicate stuff but strong vegetable varieties that have been around for centuries or have been bred to grow in challenging environments. Plant breeders have been concentrating recently (last 20 to 30 years) on developing varieties that are salt tolerant, don’t need much water or care, for deserts or drought areas. You aren’t likely to have success with seeds from your grocery, hardware or Dollar store. Check out the seeds at Native Seeds SEARCH and the sweet potato varieties at Sand Hill Preservation Center as a start, but there are other sources too. People in marginal growing areas have been food self-sufficient for their thousands of years history. If you make good soil with a high organic matter content, mulch and use appropriate seeds you can have a successful garden. My concern from what I can see of Joel’s garden beds is that he may have a soluble salts accumulation, very common in hot, dry areas, and those salts will kill most seed sprouts and growing plants. But that can be compensated for. You may have to deal with that issue. I eat wild plants too, but they are just as likely to have crop failure or get eaten as cultivated plants. Gardening is part of food self-sufficiency and I hope you’ll give it a try again

  6. There’s dirt and there’s soil. That there is dirt – and none too pretty. Some places have dirt that’s soil-like – you don’t.

    My dirt looks the same – that’s why I don’t use it. I build up a soil – and I’ve already mentioned the ingredients in past comments. I bet there’s farmland (of sorts) around some of the towns nearby – and I bet you’ll notice much of it is in alluvial areas. That’s how they can get away with farming in marginal areas – but you’re not really in much of an alluvial area right where you are. (despite your wash)

    There’s a soil test that’s used for adobe building purposes that can as well tell you about your dirt in terms of the general makeup. It involves a glass jar, some water, and a couple cups of the dirt you intend to use. Just shake the jar up for a couple days and the materials will settle out in layers and you can see the % of clay, sand, etc. An online search will find you detailed instructions and tips on interpreting the results.

    Finally – in the third photo – the one with the beans. Is that grey spot near the upper right part of the bed from ashes? Ashes can be good as part of a soil – but they’re also very alkaline. Not many plants like high alkalinity – and your dirt is probably already that way. If that spot is from ash as it looks like – that looks like a possible problem. If I was making a soil to fill a 5 gal. bucket I probably wouldn’t use more that a 1/2 cup of ashes and it would be well mixed in.

    Sorry if I sound critical. I’d like to see you do well in the gardening as I figure it’ll be of benefit to you. I’m just mentioning things that I think will help.

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