…and that’s why smart people don’t make pets of their chickens.

Has this ever happened to you, Mr. and Mrs. America?

Well, be bothered no more! Yes, whenever your chicken does some unspeakable thing no self-respecting dog or cat would ever consider…

just remember these four words that will make it all go away. Ready? Repeat after us: “I’m Doing It Wrong!”

That’s right, Mr. and Mrs. Backyard Chicken farmer! It’s not the chicken’s fault! You’ve been doing it wrong all along! Our years of research and study have conclusively proven that Chickens Are Not Household Pets!

Absolutely! In fact, modern science has shown that chickens are actually barnyard fowl: Large omnivorous semi-flightless birds which properly live in flocks outdoors!

I know, it’s difficult to believe. These people found it to be so, as well. But once they had attended the patented TUAK three-day Chicken Deprogramming Classtm available at limited locations for a short time only for the low low introductory price of $50,000/day offer void wherever common sense is sold see package insert for details, they were able to correct all their misconceptions about the proper human/chicken relationship and resume happy, healthy, relatively normal lives.

No thanks needed, Citizen. That’s why we’re here.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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3 Responses to …and that’s why smart people don’t make pets of their chickens.

  1. Judy says:

    Oh dear! I know there are people out there like that. But really? They actually put it out there on the internet? And expected the rest of us to sympathize with them? Where do I sign up to ridicule them?

  2. Jerry says:

    When we have critters going across fresh cement, it’s called adding character. Like the time the forms moved and an 8 inch wall got a bulge out to 11 inches.
    Given that float job of the picture, they have deeper issues than the bird tracks.

  3. Kentucky says:

    We had a chicken in our house just yesterday. It spent most of the day in the crock-pot and was then featured at supper with ‘taters/gravy and fresh asparagus.

To the stake with the heretic!