By comparison wolves are kind of relaxing.

Other people get all the fun. I’ve heard two reports of wolves today – from neighbors who happen to live close by each other. Both shot over them and chased them away.

There haven’t been wolves in this country since a hundred years ago when they were deliberately hunted to extinction. But our beloved protectors in the federal government, in their infinite benevolence and mercy, chose to keep their human property strong by releasing predators in their midst – and crafty by forbidding their human property to get caught killing the predators. All praise and honor to our beloved protectors in the federal government.

(ahem) Really, exactly what the point of that was, I do not understand. But I’ve been wondering for going on thirteen years whether the wolves released 30-odd miles north of here would ever spread to our country. Now I have one not-so-reliable report that they have, and one fairly-reliable report in agreement, all on the same day.

I got the reports echoed back through Neighbor L, who said, “Oh shit, Joel’s running around on that bicycle now. Better make sure he knows.”

I’ve never seen one in the flesh but from pictures I’ve seen I’m not absolutely sure I could tell a Mexican Wolf at sight from a coyote, except by size and maybe behavior. A few years ago we had a sort of uber-coyote that scared hell out of all the dogs except maybe Little Bear but then that just stopped on its own. Maybe this will too, but I almost hope not.

Wolves would bother me if I were running livestock, or let my dog run loose. But I remain the biggest baddest meanest SOB in the valley. I have neighbors who kind of snicker at my policy of never leaving my porch unless I’m ready to do battle with whomever or whatever – but it has always seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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11 Responses to By comparison wolves are kind of relaxing.

  1. Robert says:

    Someone incredulously asked WHY I would ever carry. They don’t get it.
    Apparently, the coyote-wolf hybrid headed our way ain’t afraid of no puny humans. What fun… :-/
    Friend: “You got a knife on you?”
    Me: “I’m dressed, aren’t I? Silly question.”
    Friend: “You got a gun on you?” In front of gun-phobic relatives.
    Me: “Y’know, there’s a reason it’s called concealed. And shut up!”

  2. Wolves are to coyotes what Ford Excursions are to Jeeps. Coyotes look like German Shepherds on heroin…wolves look like German Shepherds on growth hormones and steroids. They travel in packs, so if you have to drop one keep your eyes open for his buddies.

  3. Beans says:

    They have found Coy-Wolves, crosses between Mexican Wolves and Coyotes, in Arizona, New Mexico, west Texas and Southern California.

    By extrapolation, where there are coy-wolves, there are wolves.

    And wolves are no-shirt bad news.

    There’s an old Russian expression that translates basically, “When the wolves are chasing your sleigh/wagon, time to toss the baby.”

    Frickin Hate with a ‘I Hate Bob Dylan’s nasty nasally voice far worse than the fingernails of a thousand hags on chalkboards’ level of hate of the people that reintroduced wolves. Everywhere wolves show up, game of all variety drops incredibly.

    Tell you what. You (not you, Joel and all you readers, but the officious You who live in cities and have no earthly idea about the real world) go running in the wilds butt-naked around wolves, mountain lions, bears, coyotes, coywolves, wolverines, bobcats, alligators (gators are not and never have been ‘cute’ by the way) and any other predator. Hell, love wildlife so much, strip naked and go hug a bull bison.

    Friggin idiots…

  4. Howard says:

    Same policy about going armed. We occasionally have a grizzly bear through the yard and have had buildings broken into over the years. My dry storage building has a hinged sheet of plywood with sheet rock screws through it every three inches since we lost about $1000 in groceries to a break in some years ago. Keep a loaded rifle by the bed but havent had trouble wit the house. Have had wolves through a time or two but they didnt cause us problem but a near nrighbor lost a dog to them. Only found a blood spot. We are in the Copper Basin Alaska.

  5. Norman says:

    Commander Zero makes a good point. And, practiced with the rifle lately? You’re not there yet, but at some point it may become a Regular Accessory; what gets killed at 100-150 meters can’t bother you at <2 meters.

  6. Mark Matis says:

    Please do understand, up front, what those fine people who PUT those wolves there will do to YOU if you harm any of their wolves.

  7. RCPete says:

    Our betters in Oregon introduced wolves with tracking collars some years back. They now seem to be all over the rural parts of the state. I muse about some getting trapped and released in the state capital, or Portland, though the latter might be considered cruelty to the wolves.

    Every once in a while, a wolf will disappear at the same time as the collar goes radio silent. State authorities get frustrated when nobody knows nuthin’.

  8. Mike says:

    The threat posed by wolves has been really overblown thanks to a lack of public education. A wolf attack is about as likely as being hit by lightning. Even in packs, wolves tend to avoid people with a passion. Yes Joel go armed, but remember that the chance of being attacked is very low. If wolves do attack, it usually means that there’s a territorial reason.

    Here’s a list of known attacks and fatalities…

  9. Beans says:

    Mike. Lone and small packs of wolves are not normally a threat. Old, cast out wolves and superpacks are. There’s a reason they were hunted near to extinction both here and in Europe.


    Do you know how many missing people have been taken by wolves? No one does. Yet people go missing all the time, and then years later a bone is found, often with wolf teeth marks on them, attributed to the wolves or coyotes scavenging, according to the biologists. The same biologists who insist mountain lions don’t live east of the Rockies and Florida panthers don’t cross the Florida/Georgia state line. And the same biologists who denied the existence of coyote-wolf hybrids and coyotes and coy-wolves living in New York City.

    Yeah… wolves aren’t a threat. Keep telling yourself that.

    The biologists also say that wolves, singly or in packs, won’t predate against livestock… Yeah, sure. Too many ranchers have found remains of livestock eaten by canines, which again the biologists put down to ‘rogue packs of feral dogs’ or scavenging by wild canines…

    Yeah… believe what the biologists say. The ones being paid by the FedGov to justify more wolf releases… Yeah…


  10. Joel says:

    Wolves definitely see livestock as prey, as the ranchers north of here will definitely attest. Anybody who says they don’t is selling something. Which is to say, working for the government.

    But their numbers aren’t nearly at medieval Europe levels, and they are smart, and being smart the ones around here associate humans with guns and danger. I’ve never heard of an attack on humans from the packs north of here – but livestock, yes. Supposedly a rancher who loses a cow or sheep or goat can show the carcass to a fed and get reimbursed for the loss. In practice, it’s always ruled a natural death with some scavenging damage.

    Yeah – being killed by a wolf is a natural death, I suppose…

  11. Beans says:

    Funny how all the stories of people being attacked by wolves disappeared when the wolves were slaughtered to near-extinction levels. Now that their numbers are building, I fully expect to see more actual negative wolf-human interactions.

    Remember, the same people that say ‘wolves won’t harm people’ are the same that say ‘bears don’t harm people’ and ‘pumas/panthers/mountain lions don’t harm people.’ It usually takes Blatantly Obvious Evidence, much like ‘rogue waves’ (which the experts discounted until video evidence of rogue waves was finally obtained as the experts totally ignored secondary evidence like damage on top of wheelhouses and such…) for the experts to change their opinions.

    Like the game camera evidence in the Smokies of mountain lions, which people have said they’ve seen since at least the ’70s, but the experts discounted, until, yep, photo evidence backed up by tracks, scat, hair samples, kill sites and so forth.

To the stake with the heretic!