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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Category Archives: Uncategorized
This is getting to be a regular thing…
D&L had another series of doctor appointments in the big town about 50 miles away, and got an early start. So… …at about 11:30 Tobie and I had a nice Jeep ride to visit Coal and Doc. The chore was … Continue reading
This is a new low…
How cold is it? It’s so cold… …that not even Tobie wanted to be out in it. Halfway up the first rise he started prancing like a Lippizaner horse, trying to keep at least one paw away from the snow … Continue reading
Tobie sucks at tug’o’war.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is impatient. A little morning sun has gone under heavy overcast and I’m waiting for the forecast snow to begin again. Tobie had lunch and an EXTREMELY truncated mid-day walkie, which set him … Continue reading
“Are you okay?”
When I start getting emails from (multiple!) readers, I know it’s time to heave out of my chair and explain myself. We got some variety overnight… A proper snow at last. For the past several days it’s just been cold, … Continue reading
Coldest night of the winter
Due, I presume, to so much of January being so overcast, this hasn’t been a winter for particularly cold nights. In fact… This is the first morning on record we even got into single digits – though a few times … Continue reading
How you know you’re finally over your chimney fire phobia…
You start getting lazy about cleaning the stovepipe. I had a chimney fire eleven years ago – very different circumstances, wrong stove, wrong pipe, wrong wood – and it scared the ever loving shit out of me. Understandable, I suppose: … Continue reading
OOF. Maybe I do it because it’ll feel so good when I stop.
I think this might be the first time I ever paid over $100 at a time for a load of propane. Almost – almost – makes me wonder if it’s still worth doing. On the other hand… Now that I’ve … Continue reading
Well, here we go again…
I got the Jeep back with its somewhat-repaired transmission about a year ago, and I guess I should be glad I got that year. The transmission has never been right – and this afternoon it decided it didn’t want to … Continue reading
“Shoulda named him Rain Man.”
The boys know the drill by now, it’s happened so often. As soon as I pulled off the road and got out to unlock the gate they started heading for the barn. But my part of the drill keeps changing. … Continue reading
When little chores become big ones…
Tobie’s having a good week: Since certain properties changed hands a year or so ago and I (untimely, no?) got out of the chicken business, I’ve not been doing as much back-and-forth and so Jeep rides have become a rare … Continue reading
Senior Day at the Palace of Food
I went to the Palace of Food with D&L this afternoon, and we happened to get there just as the store was packed with a bunch of armed greybeards hitting it for their monthly storebought-food binge. Like, um, someone you … Continue reading
Of the best-chosen place – and the stupidest animals – in the world
Saturday morning I got a call from Neighbor D, who wanted a run to the landfill. D&L are going through one of their now-common periods where they’re simultaneously having mobility issues so (though it wasn’t mentioned) he needed the help, … Continue reading
Tobie Loves his Toy.
It’s really funny. He has expensive toys, like the Kong. He has edible toys, like the leather bones. But his all time favorite toy is a dollar store rubber tire with a rope, second of its name. None of the … Continue reading
Tobie knows what time it is.
But he doesn’t necessarily care. Uncle Joel has been reading his book most of the frickin’ afternoon. It is now approaching one of the most sacred moments of the day: Evening, with the Giving of the Evening Meal and the … Continue reading
Tobie Gets Uncle Joel’s Attention…
I’m in the middle of a Neal Stephenson reading festival that may take up all of 2023. Seriously I have only read three Stephenson books and they touch all three of my modes of reaction: One is utterly forgettable, one … Continue reading
Getting an early start…
Not as cold as predicted – I’m going to regret these insulated BDU pants – but plenty cold. A dusting of snow overnight and then the sky cleared, so everything’s covered with a carpet of crystals reflecting in my headlamp. … Continue reading
Here we go again…
Welcome to sunrise in the desert… Boy, this has been a gloomy January. I note with hope, though, that the forecast for the week has been revised overnight to ‘not quite so depressing as we thought.’ We’ll see. Meanwhile I’m … Continue reading
Got a call from Neighbor D yesterday…
His tractor wouldn’t start, … …and he was convinced that something cataclysmic had happened to the electrical system because when he tried to crank the starter there was a SNAP and everything went dark. To mollify him I checked all … Continue reading
Say! Maybe I’ve got a shot now.
You know, one of the harder truths a desert hermit needs to really internalize if he ever hopes to achieve a quiet, contented inner life is something Young Joel would have CONSISTENTLY found very hard to accept. And that truth … Continue reading
Okay: See, this is weird.
I was walking with Tobie at daybreak this morning, and we went up the usual dirt road instead of down because I was feeling better about walking in 15o temperature darkness than I usually do. In that direction we leave … Continue reading









































