I have no doubt this would change your life.

I give you CForce: It’s Chuck Norris’ water – it empowers you.

No, seriously. We found a bottle of this during a fuel stop on the way to the city.


I was in the very process of throwing the bottle away this morning when I thought, ‘wait, this deserves a moment.’ And yes, there’s actually a web site.

CForce Water comes from a sustainable aquifer deep under Chuck’s Lone Wolf Ranch in Navasota, TX.

Though I wasn’t the person drinking this water I do care about the welfare of the person who was, and so was relieved to learn that this is tap water from Norris’ ranch and not, you know, his … water.

But still. Should I be happy I’m not afflicted with a b-list movie star’s ego and hubris? Or upset that I can’t make a zillion bux just bottling filtered Gulch water and calling it … oh, I’d have to work on a proper name…

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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6 Responses to I have no doubt this would change your life.

  1. A proper name… Hmmm…

    Kidney Cement (owing to its hardness)
    J Drips
    Hermit Squirt
    Open Range
    Desert Dew
    … I could keep this up all day.

  2. Joel says:

    J Drips

    I’m … going to go take a long bath now…

  3. adlez says:

    Hermit Squirt. It can be interpreted and enjoyed in many ways, depending upon the age and worldliness of the person reading the label. Oh guffaw.

  4. Tennessee Budd says:

    Booty Sweat! Oh, wait, that’s taken…

  5. Malatrope says:

    Well, you’ve already named it. “Gulch Water” isn’t a bad concept, even if it hasn’t got any particular innuendo.

    At the right time of year, I suppose “Jeep Lube” might work.

  6. mattexian says:

    My mom buys that C-Force water at the local chain supermarket, and gave me a couple bottles after I escaped my cancer treatment last summer. Supposedly, alkaline water is to cancer like holy water to vampires…I have no idea if it works, but the bottles are sturdy and a handy size for reusing, and when Mom sees them, she’s less likely to bug me about needing more.

To the stake with the heretic!