I tore the place apart this morning…

…looking for my keys. They weren’t in any of the places they should have been. They weren’t in any of the places they shouldn’t have been.

This time of year I leave the pistol, knife and key ring on the space heater in the bedroom overnight. If I take the belt right off my pants, which I didn’t last night, all the belt kibble goes there. That way I know right where they are. This morning the gun was there, the knife was there, the key ring was nowhere to be found.

I could do my morning chores without that key ring, because the Jeep key is elsewhere. But I couldn’t get into Ian’s, I couldn’t lock the Lair, I couldn’t do a lot of things. The worst thing I could think of: Before Wednesday I really needed to move the good ladder to the Lair – and it’s locked up at Ian’s! WHERE ARE THOSE KEYS?

Occurred to me: I did have them last night! I went up to Ian’s place just before dark to get my second loaf of bread out of his fridge. I must have left them at his door! So I went up there – no keys. No keys on the ground between the Cave and the Lair. No keys on the table, securely locked inside his place. AUGH!

It bugged me all morning. I couldn’t get it out of my head. Just a few minutes ago, devoid of anywhere else to look, I started walking back up the ridge with my eyes glued to the ground – they couldn’t have just vanished! Let’s see: If I had them on my belt last night, without the gun or knife, they could have fallen off onto the bedroom floor. But I looked there! If they didn’t fall off…oh, you’re kidding me…

I put my hand on my holster, slid the hand to the rear…


Gettin’ old ain’t for sissies. The one place I never thought to look was “already on your belt, stupid.”

I’m too much a creature of habit. I always load that side of the belt gun/knife/keys. But last night I stepped out just for a moment to grab a loaf of bread. Put the keys on my belt without bothering with the other stuff, because I just grabbed my rifle. Then never put the keys back with the holster and sheath. This morning I slid the holster on my belt, then the sheath, then freaked out because I couldn’t find the key ring.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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11 Responses to I tore the place apart this morning…

  1. terrapod says:

    No fear amigo, you are in fine company, have had to retrace steps in excruciating detail to find things before, either dropped, not where they should be etc. and I am “only” 67.

    Going to have to find one of those extensible lanyard ties to the key chain and rivet it to the belt.

  2. Mark Matis says:

    I was beginning to suspect that you might have to “scan” Laddie’s scat for a few days to see if he had decided they were a “treat”…

    Glad that worked out!

  3. Robert says:

    Joel: You are not alone in this.
    I want to know how you trained Laddie to take the picture. Without opposable thumbs, operating the shutter could be tricky.

  4. Joel says:

    Robert, it’s funny you should ask. The iPhone is about the least ergonomic device I’ve ever tried to use in some ways, and especially in taking a selfie of my own ass – not that the situation has arisen all that often. But that kit of lenses my brother sent me a few weeks ago included something that at first I thought was completely silly but will probably turn out to be the most useful bit of all: a remote control button! So I could hold the camera in place, completely unable to reach the shutter button with my thumb, and actually take the picture with my other hand.

  5. Robert says:

    “not that the situation has arisen all that often” I certainly hope not.
    How many tries until you got the picture you wanted?
    Is the remote wireless? If so, what kinda range?

    I had occasion to take multiple pics of a ginormous surgery-gone-wrong boo-boo on my back. Got quite good at taking pics with a digital camera and two mirrors. As a bonus, it grossed out everyone seeing the pics. I have digital copies if you’re interested… 🙂

  6. I literally have a sticky note on the door so that when I leave the house I cannot fail to see the list of things to make sure I remembered to take with me. (“Keys, cards, gun, knife, phone, watch”). After several years you would think i wouldnt need the reminder anymore. Nope, still do.

  7. Mike says:

    This sounds (reads?) so familiar. When I was working and sleep deprived, it was a regular thing for me to put my keys down somewhere and an hour or two later the hunt would begin. I’m glad that you managed to find them before the need of a plan B eared it’s ugly head.

  8. Sendarius says:

    My mother’s reminder refrain still rings through my head when I go out the door, and she’s been gone 20+ years.

    “Spectacles, testicles, watch, and wallet. Phone, keys, gun in pocket.”

  9. Norman says:

    Can’t remember the brand, but stick-on plastic hooks have saved me too many times to mention. The one on the side of the dresser gets the master key ring at night, the one next to the LR light switch gets them daytime, the one on the side of the toolbox gets them when I’m working in the garage. All are easily observed from across the respective room. So far, when I’m missing keys, checking the 3 hooks has always solved the problem.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, FYI don’t lay yer black flip phone on yer black foot stool…Camo works really well, an yep I’m 70….sigh….

  11. boyNsea says:

    Been there, done that. “Lost” my keys, looked high and low for hours, finally found them in the frig freezer compartment. I still have a ring full of work keys that has been missing for years. Got to be somewhere in the house.

    I call it ‘running on automatic’, where I am doing things but not thinking about it.
    That’s just a cop out way of saying my head was up my butt.

    I still have a ring full of work keys that have been missing for years. Got to be somewhere in the house.

To the stake with the heretic!