In New Jersey, Land of the Galloping Hoplophobe, everybody knows that if you talk about protecting yourself from bad people with guns by buying yourself a gun you’re just being a whacko. A hater. You’re allowing yourself to be ruled by your fears. You’re a bad, weak person.
Unless you’re a New Jersey politician, of course. In that case it makes perfect sense. And furthermore you need bigger guns than anybody else, and someone to shoot them for you.
FLEMINGTON — The police chief in a borough of about 4,500 people says it’s necessary for him to buy four assault rifles for his 15-member police department. Chief George Becker hopes the guns will never be used for anything except training.
The rifles — .40 caliber Heckler & Koch fully automatic guns that hold 30 bullets — are expected to cost about $10,000. The police force does not currently have any rifles.
“What kind of situation would arise that we aren’t capable of handling right now?” asked resident Lois Stewart.
“An active-shooter situation,” said Mayor Erica Edwards.
Okay. First of all that’s not an assault rifle, Chief. That’s a submachine gun. But let that go. It’s New Jersey: I don’t expect you to know anything about guns. It’s very nice that you’re so concerned about protecting the public.
What’s that you say? Who said anything about the public?
Police Chief George Becker linked the acquisition of the rifles to the recently begun practice of having a police officer at each Borough Council meeting. “We don’t know, with the way things are today, who’s going to walk through that door. It’s a public meeting and there’s 50 people in here and some crazy person wants to see how many he can take out. You see it all over the country, in schools, in government buildings; it’s in grocery stores, for God’s sake, it’s everywhere.”
Councilman Phil Velella said, “A lot of these criminals who carry out this type of activity have this type of weapons, and if we don’t get them for our police officers, they will be at a disadvantage. We’re just bringing you up to par…”
…with what’s on the street,” said Edwards, finishing his sentence.
Ah! so it’s the “public meetings” you’re concerned about. And we all know who’s pretty much required to show up at public meetings, right? So naturally they need lots of
But I do want to know where Councilman Velella’s spending his evenings, where he sees so many .40-cal subguns. That fella bears watching, officers.
H/T to Claire, who’s channeling James Joyce today.