Lists! I need lots of lists.

…and then Uncle Joel became mildly concerned…

No sooner had my guests departed for their faraway home than I got an email from another longtime friend, reminding me of a promise the keeping of which is going to cause this hidebound old hermit significant anxiety in the coming week.

Uncle Joel’s going house-sitting. In a city. Far from here. For three weeks. Starting about a week from now.

But I can’t leave! All the yucca will die without me!

How much ammo should one pack for a three-week trip to a strange city? And I’m almost certain to forget to pack stumpsocks. Where did I hide my backpack? Lists.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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8 Responses to Lists! I need lots of lists.

  1. Mark Matis says:

    Perchance is this to be in Mexifornia or Illinois? If so, then take ALL your guns with you. And borrow a few extra from Ian as well…

  2. Kentucky says:

    And what about Torso Boy?

  3. Joel says:

    He’s coming with.

  4. Waepnedmann says:

    As my dad used to say, “Anything you are doing after midnight in town, you shouldn’t be.”
    Bring your snacks with and avoid the 7-11 after the hours of darkness.

    If your kidneys start twitching when you have your back to the door while buying your Doritos pay attention to what they are telling you. Fear may be the mind killer, but it can also be your friend.

    Consider yourself lucky that you are not one to socialize and that Disco is dead.
    Besides, the platform shoes, woodland camo cargo pants, and gel socks might be contraindicated.

    You know the admonition that parents give their children to not talk to strangers?
    I am pretty sure that you will not be approached by hoards of folks wanting to chat you up.

  5. Mike says:

    In case you were wondering, here’s what the hipster set packs… :^)

  6. Kentucky says:

    Nice list of possible necessities. I see it as a comprehensive list of stuff you MIGHT need, depending on where you’re going, how you will be getting there, and how long you’ll be there. That they completely overlook “personal security” items isn’t too surprising, all things considered.

  7. Robert says:

    Mark Matis:
    I go to Illinois weekly to mow mom’s yard. Who’da thunk gunnin’ up on a riding mower would seem normal? Action Plan: First, pin the trespasser to the ground with a front wheel before pulling the gat. Then, um, I dunno, ask if he’s a friendly neighbor? Plan might need some refinement…

    “How much ammo should one pack for a three-week trip to a strange city?” How much can you carry?
    Seriously, though, if yer not out at midnight where you shouldn’t be, then your chances of needing ammo are pretty much zero. Or so they tell me…

  8. Robert says:

    ETA: A slung AK will pretty much assure you will get to talk to no one other than the po-po and your cellmate. 🙂

To the stake with the heretic!