Monsoon is a complete jackass to Landlady

Yesterday was a perfectly pleasant day, aside from being hot, right up to virtually the moment Landlady arrived. It hasn’t rained at all in almost a week but yesterday I sat out on the porch in the late afternoon and watched storm cells charge toward the Gulch from virtually every direction – it was like somebody had decided to throw a storm cell rave right frickin’ here. I knew she was planning to come here but not when, so I texted her. She said she was just approaching the little town nearest where we live, and that she had borrowed a 4WD for the trip, so I relaxed. Nothing could possibly go wrong enough to stop her in so short a time.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….,” said the weather. “Hold my beer.”

Okay – to get to the Gulch from the little town, you do the following: Drive a few miles up a well-maintained dirt road, down and up a cemented dip through a wash crossing, wind around a bit, up a hill, hang a right through a cattle gate, wind around some more, go down a hill that turns to absolute terrifying snot on glass when it’s wet (with gullies somehow on BOTH SIDES for extra clenchy points, through a small wash crossing, and then…

No, stop there. There was no “and then.” Because she got down Snot Hill only to confront a raging river where Small Wash Crossing used to be. Aaand now she’s stuck between them. In the middle of a raging lightning display that seems to have nothing to do but be a dick to her personally. Without actually driving into the raging river to your death, that’s about as bad as it gets.

Her adventures had only begun! There’s a sort of semi-abandoned homestead halfway up Snot Hill, and I suggested (we were texting through this whole thing) that she could maybe take shelter in the carport that’s there. She couldn’t negotiate the now-impassible driveway, but having gotten halfway up the hill decided she may as well drive the other half. That let her get back to the county road, and now she had to decide: Back to town, or further into the desert where she could take refuge with other, more distant neighbors? She went further into the desert…

…only to be stopped by more water over the road, of course. By now it’s getting dark. She turns back toward town…

…and you know I only mentioned that cemented-over dip with the dry wash crossing for future foreshadowing, right? Yeah, dry no more. Raging river.

That wash flows like crazy but never for long, and it’s cemented. So she was able to cross and get back to town around nine. Holed up in the town’s one crummy motel. Now we’re off to see how bad the road is torn up and if she can make it here.

And I almost hope she can’t because if she can, the day’s adventure begins. I have to go with her to the big town about 50 miles away, to do something I really* don’t want to do. Stay tuned for our next exciting episode…

“Joel Goes to a DMV Office!!!”

dundunduuuuunnn….


*reallyreallyreally

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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9 Responses to Monsoon is a complete jackass to Landlady

  1. Swami Rabbitima says:

    Oh shit! Wasn’t your Great Shrug DMV related?

  2. Joel says:

    Uh…sort of. Partially.

  3. Ben says:

    There are a million good reasons why deserts remain sparsely inhabited. You just explained a couple of the better ones.

  4. Robert says:

    Y’all make me glad I live a boring life. Here, the weather may merely freeze you to death or blow you away.

  5. Jim Price says:

    At least snow can be shoveled . . . usually. The winter before last I couldn’t get to my shop from late November until sometime in March.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Woohoo — DMV — are you wearing the hate for your pic?

  7. Anonymous says:

    Hi Joel, Don’t worry to much about the DMV…I have had 3 separate dramas with them over my lifetime…the last one a medical issue ( deafness balance issues )…the one before a license that had been expired for a long long time, the other a standard ” under the influence ” The deaf balance one the worker was extra nice…she zipped me right thru I now have a little picture of a hearing aid on my license…the expired one an eye test a picture and ten extra dollars…the influence one a road test,eye test,and lots of extra dollars. The eye test in my state will take about 20/50 don’t know about your situation there…my point is I worried a lot for nothing all three times. Patrick

  8. Beans says:

    Just be sure to be extra-specially hermit-class scruffy when/if they take the Photo of DOOOOOOOOM. Too bad you don’t have a glass eye you can pop out for the photo.

    So, this is the second of my favorite blogs where the write has decided to get into the whole serial-cliffhanger thingymabobber.

  9. jon spencer says:

    Going to do the opposite of this guy did? Suit, tie, shave and a haircut?
    https://www.sliptalk.com/redneck-guy/

To the stake with the heretic!