The Ultimate Answer to Kings

I love it when Landlady comes up for a weekend, I really do. But I swear there’s something to the old joke that foul weather always comes with her.

It’s not literally true in that it doesn’t always happen. But last time was a masterpiece and this time isn’t half bad. It’s raining Acme safes out there and the dogs are convinced – with some supporting evidence – that the lightning and thunder are going to kill us all. I tried to go tend the chickens on the other side of the wash while I still could but found I had come too late – I made it across but immediately turned around and went back, and the second trip was worse than the first. That’s the closest I ever came to sticking the Jeep in the wash, at least while the water was rising. The chickens will keep for a few hours.

According to the forecast this is only supposed to last the morning, but it might be a while before Landlady can get her little low-slung car back to the county road.

I think I was about 15 the last time I let it happen, but that could just be my memory being self-serving…

Anyway. Stop Making Me Defend Trump. Stop.

But speaking of Trump Derangement Syndrome: Behold! Proof positive at last that Donald Trump is indeed a card-carrying racist!

That’s right, America! The Rolling Stones 1971 smash hit “Brown Sugar” was reportedly played over the PA before the start of a Trump rally … somewhere. As anyone who ever walked past a functioning radio at any moment in any part of the 1970’s knows to his grief, “Brown Sugar” is certainly a race-conscious song. Since it was sung by Mick Jagger, who arguably couldn’t sing, I never really tried that hard to work out the lyrics but even so I was aware that, whatever else its other faults, this song was race-conscious.

Therefore Donald Trump is a racist. Full stop, cue the impeachment. Or…something. I don’t know.

I find myself more and more often tempted to defend Donald Trump, a person I would not ordinarily feel any desire to assist in any way. It’s just that, as appalling as he is, his enemies are positively comical.

Decided to go out to brush-cutting without Laddie this morning, which meant I could do something I’ve wanted to try for some time…

I’ve got a gig trimming roadside brush, which means I’m in and out of the Jeep many times in a session. Not long after starting a job like that you’ll appreciate why postal Jeeps have doors that can slide right out of the way. I took the nuts off the driver’s door hingepins maybe three weeks ago, but then Laddie showed up and this was the first time I ever really went ahead and yanked the door right off the Jeep.

Works okay; the door is kind of heavy but getting it off and back on didn’t pose any big unexpected problems.

Not a very good night. I fell asleep early, then woke a little after midnight. Laddie barely looked up until I reached over him for my crutches and opened the bedroom door, which slides past just behind his bed. (Note to self: Move dog bed) He doesn’t like large things moving around him unless he himself is mobile, so now we were both up at midnight. He escorted me to the bathroom and made sure it was clear of ninjas, then decided he didn’t like sharing the vestpocket bathroom with my crutches and retired back to the bedroom. He mostly just didn’t get why I’d woke us both up in the first place. Can’t I hold it for one night?

I was up for maybe half an hour before I got sleepy and turned out the light. Then up again at 2:30ish, this time with phantom pain that had me bellowing from time to time. He didn’t like that at all – but unlike Little Bear who always made himself as scarce as possible at times like that, Laddie decided that my therapy should consist of reassuring a dog by rubbing its head constantly. For hours, if that’s what it took. He was prepared to be patient.

Finally around four the pain faded enough that I could turn off the light and lay down with some hope of getting a little more sleep – and of course this time I slept till quarter after six, when it was well after light, and I think a certain tiny paw with sharp claws may have been involved in waking me up. Certainly by the time I rolled over there was a very short-legged dog halfway up on the bed taking my pulse.

Now it’s 7:30 and I’m only just eating breakfast and need to get out the door and do my chores. And he just sort of wants to hang out and nap. Old guys need their sleep, and I guess I wasn’t very thoughtful last night.

I should add, “If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all” edition…

Good morning,
Hope all is well, just wanted to give you an update. I apologize for the delay with Little bear’s stone. Our shipment of Marble arrived broken, our supplier has sent out a new shipment and it is supposed to arrive by this Friday.
I will be in touch this weekend with status, we sincerely apologize for the inconvenience

No, no, they’re legit. Landlady has received several in the past, perfectly fine. They’re just a really small specialty business, have a shitty IT “department,” and their suppliers regard them as something to be pissed upon.

So the marker will happen, I just don’t know when.

Somebody’s really phoning my spam in lately…

Hi,

We can promote your website to get it on the first page of Google search results giving you an increase in the number of leads and sales you are getting from your website. Please email us back for a full proposal.

In order to get a “Free Proposal” and “Prices” please include your website URL.

Warm Regards,
Katherine Brooke
Online Marketing Consultant

Question: How many spaces can there be on any one Google page? If you’re guaranteeing me first-page exposure (on any search of any topic? Or only things pertaining to smelly old hermits?) you must not sell very much, is all I’m saying. And where’s my $35,000,000? Huh? Because the Nigerians bait their phishing hooks with actual imaginary money.

Two and a half hours, almost the first thing in the morning…

And I have well more than three heaping wheelbarrows’ worth of stove-ready firewood.

After I laboriously got these 5X5 timbers de-nailed and cut to length, I even got to break in my new chopping block!

All done, I increased the contents by roughly half a tier, topping off the third and getting a really good start on a fourth. On normal winter mornings and evenings that’s a few weeks’ worth of warm right there.

Sigh – I still need to repaint the woodshed. And also the solar panel rack. That primer I so miserably applied last year did nothing for me. Does that seem right to you? I never primed an inch of the cabin, and no cabin paint flakes off. I primed the salvaged rack lumber and the brand-new woodshed lumber and it’s coming off in big flakes. I may never buy another gallon of Kilz in my life.

It’s the things you don’t know you don’t know that get you. You can plan for the things you know, but (okay, I won’t say you. I) tend to make comforting assumptions about the things I don’t know.

Forgive if this meditation turns out not to make much sense. It’s early as I start this, and I’m not yet fully caffeinated.

Yesterday afternoon I found myself doing something distinctly winter-related…

Continue reading →

Laddie and I got an earlyish start this morning, out cutting brush on the road shoulders again. We took a little side trip to check out an anomaly in the wash far downstream from my stomping ground – it seems there’s a seasonal spring that right now is running like crazy. Laddie got to declare war on an entire kennel full of dogs several times his size from the safety of the Jeep, and also wade in very shallow water up to his belly, all in the same morning. 🙂

He’s taking a happy nap at the moment.

Coming back, I decided it was time to review this newish bump cap insert I’ve been wearing for work the past month or two…

You can buy entire caps, or just the insert like this one which fits easily into whatever cap you prefer. I found it profoundly uncomfortable, to be honest, until I learned to wear it over a bandanna. Possibly someone less follicularly challenged wouldn’t have that issue, but it turns out a plastic skullcap right on your pate isn’t the most comfortable of all possible headgear. There’s more than one reason helmets and hard hats have suspension systems.

And on the subject of comparisons with real safety gear, this one is embossed all over its interior with bloodcurdling and ass-covering disclaimers that indicate you’re far safer teasing Kodiak bears while sticking forks in live electrical outlets than ever wearing this thing in any situation where you might get bonked in the head. If I thought there was some danger of something really heavy landing on me, I’d leave this home and pull an actual helmet out of my gear bag. But for just trimming junipers, sometimes overhead, it’s fine. It’ll protect your noggin from light bumps and scrapes, and that’s all it’s for.

It’s made to be as adjustable as the cap you stick it into is, and it stays on your head without any hassle as long as you don’t invert. More ventilation would be nice, but I don’t really see how that would work. Tie a bandanna on your head before you put on the cap, and you’re good. It’s cheap and light and unobtrusive and gets more wear time than the helmet does.

Water bottles aren’t forever, even if you don’t damage them.

A few years ago I purchased 3 3-gallon water bottles at a now-defunct Kmart in the big town about 50 miles away. One got a small leak last winter, the other two have soldiered on but I’m going to demote them to reserve status…

…because for some reason the bottoms have stopped being flat. They still hold water just fine but transporting them in the Jeep is a pain; they won’t stay upright unless forced upright by other heavier objects, which are rarely present. Sooner or later they’ll roll to the back, force the damaged latch on the rear door, and go bouncing down a rocky slope which will probably be the end of them.

So, since Generous Readers sent me a bunch of new water bottles two months ago, most of which have been chillin’ full of water in the back of Ian’s Cave, I decided to swap some inventory around. New bottles forward, old bottles back.

As predicted.

I base that conclusion on the first headline I saw this morning, while waiting for the first cuppa coffee…

Celebs Erupt At NRA, Trump After Jacksonville Shooting: ‘Gun-Humping Death Fetishists’

For the record, I believe it is wrong for fatcats in expensive suits to violate the sanctity of Gun Free Zones with their gun-humping death fetishes. Someone must make a stand: It’s just wrong! They should stick to shooting up their own conventions, and leave Gun Free Zones alone! If all the world were a Gun Free Zone in which only cops, soldiers and lawless predators had guns, what a wonderful world it would be!

Also: I can’t wait to have a polite and even-handed “conversation about guns” where freaks like the following get to dictate what innocent people may and may not own…

Glad we’re not ‘politicizing the tragedy of others,’ huh?

Eleven eggs from nine hens that already have a tentative appointment with the hatchet?

Yeah, okay, it’s a cheat. I collected eggs really early Saturday because I was afraid the wash would run, and then really late yesterday because I decided to bake bread early while it was cool. So they had closer to 30 hours than 24, and today’s take will probably be pitiful.

But still – it’s been a long time since there were that many eggs in the basket, is all. The quality of the eggs is also definitely up: The shells were getting so thin I had at least 10% breakage while I was feeding them nothing but pellets and sunflower seeds. Now they’re getting kitchen scraps by the bucketful. Some say the eggs have better flavor; that’s subjective and I don’t really see it myself but there is no getting around that the shells are much stronger. Beginning to think at least a small part of this Spring’s falloff in quantity had to do with diet more than age.

I’ve had a terrible time getting any results from the game camera. I guess everything has headed for high country for the summer, but hell – not even the rabbits want their picture taken lately.

Finally decided to take advantage of the cattle guy having moved the herd out due to there not being any grass because extreme drought, and put the camera the one place where you just know animals will want to congregate…

I know the local wildlife can get along without open water. They’ve been doing it a helluva long time, or there wouldn’t be animals here at all. But still – there it is. And no annoying cattle! So you’d think all the animals would be all like…

Two weeks ago, more or less, I put the camera back to overlooking the water trough. And in all that time, here are the only two creatures it recorded…

Seriously, not even a bird. It was the same in the camera’s last location. There’s either something wrong with the camera or with the summer. In truth I’m not sure it’s the camera; this has been a dead summer for wildlife sightings. Even the rabbits are sparse.

But not even a single picture of a bird in two weeks? It could be the camera…

Hit the blog this morning determined to catch up on posting early, only to find the server was down again. It’s baking day so I just got back to the ‘pooter to find I can finally log on.

Just starting the second rise as I type this. As soon as the loaves come out of the oven we’ll go do chicken chores, and then I guess we’ll find out for certain if the wash ran. Since Landlady chose (wisely, as it turns out) not to come up this weekend, it really doesn’t matter what the condition of the crossing is. I have a 4X4 and so do S&L, so we’ll work it out.

It dawned cloudless or nearly so this morning! After raining all night, all yesterday, all the night before that. Except for a little sun yesterday afternoon it has been overcast or actively raining for four solid days. Nothing cataclysmic, no scary storms, I don’t even think my wash ran overnight. Just rain and plenty of it.

I think the Rufous hummingbirds have moved on; haven’t seen one causing trouble at the feeder in days. All we have left is clouds of these relatively drab green ones, and they’re much less given to drama. The Rufous are entertaining but exhausting to watch; they don’t seem to care as much about using the feeder as making sure nobody else can. Personally I like less conflict during meals.

Laddie’s getting along nicely, though he did show his true colors yesterday when we went to visit S&L. L, true to form, gave Laddie a treat and he decided on the spot that he’d much rather stay with her than leave with me. Guess it makes sense, he lived most of his life with a woman and I wondered how thoroughly or readily he’d adapt to life with a man. Ghost lived with me for eight years and always preferred L or Landlady to me; he stayed with me until the moment he had a choice, and then he left without bothering with a headfake.

I’m afraid Laddie, like Ghost, is stuck with me no matter what he prefers.

A whole 160 page views at ten ayem, on account of how nobody could connect. Happens sometimes on Saturday, and prior experience suggests it might not be over.

Ah, well. There’s nothing going on here worth writing about in any case. Landlady was due this weekend but wisely decided to give it a miss due to the foreboding weather forecast, and even though the actual apocalypse hasn’t visited it has certainly threatened to do so for 24 hours. Lots of big black boomy storm cells passing on every side, promising annihilation but so far delivering only light rain. Just enough rain, as it happens, to keep me indoors bored and unproductive. Insert standard joke about how if Landlady had made the trip all hell would have broken loose like last time – it could as easily be true.

So we’re just hanging out indoors today. I’ve got freshly-thawed chicken thighs marinading on the counter for lunch, in hope that the rain will let me use the barbecue.

“Ask a Soviet engineer to design a pair of shoes and he’ll come up with something that looks like the boxes that the shoes came in; ask him to make something that will massacre Germans, and he turns into Thomas F*cking Edison.”

By that standard, the engineers who came up with Kalashikov’s new electric “supercar” clearly didn’t think it would be of use in a German-massacring role.

“We are developing our own concept of an electric supercar, which is based on several original systems developed by the concern,” the firm said.

“This technology will let us stand in the ranks of global electric car producers such as Tesla and be their competitor,” RIA-Novosti further quoted the Kalashnikov press-service as saying.

Trigger warning: I had to mute the sound to get through this very annoying and not very informative video.

Judging strictly by the “styling,” and knowing absolutely nothing about what’s under the hood, I’m already inclined to call bullshit on that. And “supercar?” Right. These guys should give up on engineering and start writing speeches for Elizabeth Warren – a detachment from reality is considered an asset in that profession.

h/t Big Brother

So every day for the past week I’ve been trekking to Ian’s Cave three times a day, usually with Laddie in tow. There, first in a box in the shower stall and then in the shower stall, we’re raising the newest generation of laying hens which are currently just cute little yellow chicks. Until yesterday evening, Laddie just hung out in the front room of the cave while I did chicken chores. But yesterday evening while I was at the kitchen counter tending the feeder, Booger Brain finally discovered the chicks. I got back to the bathroom just in time to see him knock down the board closing off the shower, as mayhem ensued.

I didn’t punish him for it more than harsh words, I just drove him back into the front room and demanded that he stay out of the bathroom. He obeyed well enough then, but this morning he made a beeline for those fascinating chicks in the shower. And that’s when he got his snout swatted.

Which swatting he took in good spirit, I’ll say on his behalf. He retreated to the front room, didn’t fight me on the issue, didn’t pout. We’ll see if he does it again the first time he thinks my attention is elsewhere. My money is on yes, immediately.

You know, I’d bet if I searched the platform of any of the other politicians I keep on my “despised” list I could find at least one item with which I didn’t completely, absolutely disagree. No examples come to mind – “be nice to puppies,” maybe. But Every Single Time this woman opens her piehole in my presence, no matter the topic, she ends up making me want to break the furniture.

Example: Immigration. You know why I never talk about that here? Because for a lot of people it’s a hot-button topic and I’m completely agnostic about it. I simply have no strong opinion. On the one hand I never worked with an illegal immigrant I didn’t esteem – and I’ve worked with quite a few. I think people who’d go to the trouble of sneaking across the border to work hard and make some money are exactly the sort of people America needs more of. On the other hand, if you’re coming over here to suck up the sweet sweet welfare or for some other nefarious purpose you should be airdropped back home without a parachute. In particular, murdering people is right out.

So in the news today there’s a pretty girl who got murdered by an illegal alien, which is exactly the sort of thing the immigration hawks would want to make sure everybody knows about. And some guy on CNN tentatively asks Fauxcahontas her opinion on the news of the day. Get a load of this:

“I know this is hard for the family, but…We need an immigration system that focuses on what the real problems are.”

And the ‘real problems’ are NOT, in her mind, pretty dead girls. The big issue on her mind is how to keep making points against Trump.

I’m in no position to offer pro-tips to politicians, gods know. But here’s a question: If keeping your own citizens alive and well isn’t at the top of your list of priorities, why exactly are we putting up with you?

Say what you will about the weather in the high desert, it isn’t usually namby-pamby. If it isn’t absolutely beautiful in every measurable way it’s trying to kill you. Yesterday dawned cloudy, which was not good news because I managed to run Ian’s batteries low trying to keep chicks warm. Then it started raining at about 10 and basically never stopped all day. Washed out the crossings and generally made a huge nuisance of itself. Today dawned cloudy and I expected more of the same, but instead I get…drizzle. Not real wet, not real dry, just dispiriting. I’m going to go read a book or something.

This morning I got halfway through a quicky chore I probably shouldn’t have started till better weather, so I need to go out and finish it after a bite of lunch…

Quick cleanup job for a neighbor. Most of it is bound for the burn barrel rather than the woodshed, because I don’t burn plywood or OSB indoors. But I’ll get a little firewood out of the deal. OSB’s gonna need to dry out some before it’ll burn, though.