Remember, Mr. and Mrs. America, as you die of once-curable diseases…

…set your own bones, lance your own boils:

1. Boil ditchwater before drinking.

2. Blood-letting does not actually purge bad humors after all, that was a typo in the last heal-it-yourself booklet and should be disregarded.

3. Obamacare is fine. The supposed problems are all made up by the media.

President Obama told activists they need to fight through a wave of negative press stories about Obamacare this year to ensure enrollment numbers go up, and said plans are still affordable despite stories saying premiums will rise sharply in 2017.

“We’re not going to get that much help from the media,” Obama told the more than 25,000 volunteers who joined a White House call with Obama Thursday afternoon. “This is going to be a ground game.”

Obama said volunteers will have to help “clear the mud off the windshield” to get people to sign up.

4. Believe everything you’re told by the authorities.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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3 Responses to Remember, Mr. and Mrs. America, as you die of once-curable diseases…

  1. Matt says:

    I can’t believe they ate the WHOLE thing.


  2. gojuplyr says:

    Just sign the treaty, turn in your weapons and we will take care of you. How’d hat work out for every Indian nation?

  3. Unclezip says:

    When did Obozo start hiring retired football coaches as speech writers?

To the stake with the heretic!