Those clever Germans showed us the way.

So there’s been another security breach at the White House. A crazy guy jumped the fence and the highly trained professionals in the Secret Service Security Force forgot to lock the front door, so we must all be punished more.

the U.S. Secret Service is weighing a series of measures that would move tourists and D.C. residents farther away from the complex to reduce the chances of intruders piercing its security perimeter and endangering the president.

One proposal is to keep people off the sidewalks around the White House fence and create several yards of additional barrier around the compound’s perimeter. Another is to screen visitors as far as a block away from the entrance gates.

We here at TUAK believe no effort must be spared in safeguarding the safety and security of our ruling class. With great respect for the highly trained professionals of the White House security forces, these half measures must cease immediately.wall1Using skilled East German craftsmen, a protective barrier must be constructed surrounding the entirety of Washington DC, and undesirable civilians removed.wall5No expense must be spared, no precaution overlooked.wall3With full protection details inside the wall to prevent any contamination from possibly terroristic citizens, a volunteer civilian force must be raised to keep the inhabitants securely inside for their own protection.wall4Finally, an outer perimeter of antiaircraft defenses, also manned (or womanned, whatever) 24/7 by civilian volunteers will protect our rulers from any aircraft entering or leaving the forbidden zone.

Only then can our beloved leaders be kept safe. This must be done!

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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4 Responses to Those clever Germans showed us the way.

  1. Ben C says:

    Lets put the same kind of fence around the white house as we use on our country’s southern border. Good enough for security of the nation, good enough for the security of the president.

  2. Keith says:

    Ben, if only the Berlin wall, had been built by the right people.

    Careful what you wish for.

  3. Ben says:

    I understand how someone could jump a fence, though I don’t understand why said jumper wouldn’t be instantly detected through some state-of-the-art wizardry. But how does one just stroll in a door? Don’t they …oh I don’t know… don’t they have guards posted there?

    It seems to me that the White House doesn’t need a bigger fence, it more likely needs to clean out a handful of entrenched security functionaries.

  4. Goober says:

    So, they make these door handles that stay locked so that when the door swings closed, it locks automatically.

    Problem solved. Some nutter sans key can get no closer than the patio.

    How freaking hard is that?

    You know, i don’t leave my own house unlocked.

To the stake with the heretic!