You know how people say, “It isn’t you, it’s me…”

…when what they always really mean is, “It’s you?”

Private to Sportsman’s Warehouse: It’s you.

I hate shopping online almost as much as I hate shopping period. Different reasons, of course. I mean, it’s me. Completely. I’m neurotic about filling out forms, I don’t deny it, and shopping online is all about filling out forms. But I’ll do it, because the alternative is weaving my own cloth and making sandals out of old tires.

Anyway, a regular and very generous reader gave me a gift card to this site called Sportsman’s Warehouse, at which I have never shopped before. Took a while for me to try using it, because at the time I was having connection problems and basically couldn’t use the site at all. But free is free and I did eventually remember to get back to it. Then it took quite a while to find something there I actually needed and could afford. That was kind of fun, to be honest. Shopping without bumping shoulders with strangers is not the part of online shopping I dislike. Finally found a pair of sandals, which met both of the above criteria. Summer is coming, and my evening sandals are falling apart.

Okay. On to the part I dislike, which I dutifully slogged through without complaint because it must be done and my neuroses are not the fault of the staff or management of Sportsman’s Warehouse. If I weren’t crazy, I wouldn’t live here.

And I hit the big red button and got…


And I thought, okay, that’s enough fun for tonight. This morning I fiddled with the dog, took a long walk, did the chicken chores, walked back, took a sink bath, washed up, refilled water bottles, then hooked the phone to the laptop and was reminded of last night’s unsuccessful shopping trip because a) I left the tab open and b) I got an email from Sportsman’s Warehouse which I genuinely wish I’d saved so I could do a screenshot. They seemed concerned about my health and welfare. “Where did you go?”

I filled out all the forms again, since I was thinking about it. Clicked the big red button. And you already know what’s coming next…


And now I’m thinking of looking to see if they sell rivet guns. Because if I had one of those I really could try my hand at making sandals out of old tires…

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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11 Responses to You know how people say, “It isn’t you, it’s me…”

  1. tk421a says:

    Joe, try turning your ad blocker off and if you use Privacy Badger turn it off as well. Those two items could be screwing up your order. Good luck.

  2. tk421a says:

    Joel… not Joe. Note to self, never reply to a blog post when tired. Sigh…

  3. Mark Matis says:

    Also you might want to check the date on the gift to Sportsman’s Warehouse to see if it has “expired”. A significant number of retailers sell “gift cards” to buyers who don’t know what the recipient needs or wants, but tack a date on the card which says if you don’t use it by then, it starts to drop in value until nothing is left. It may have the details on the card, or you may have to go to the web site to see what they’re really doing, but if there’s a date on the card…

  4. terrapod says:

    Save yourself any added aggro and just phone them with the item number you want and the card at the ready, get a human on the line that speaks English and sort it out on the spot. Madness lies in doing the same thing online over and over with same negative result. Many a screen has bullet holes over this.

  5. Zelda says:

    Joel – another money maker! Desert Hermit Sandals! Ecologically sound hand made from old Jeep tires used in the desert by The Hermit, buy one pair and get another pair any size half price. You’d sell out as fast as you could make them.

  6. Winston Smith says:

    Just fyi, the person that gave you a SG gift card doesn’t like you.
    They are famous for bait & switch and adding items to a large order in the hopes you wont notice.

  7. coloradohermit says:

    Gee Winston, who doesn’t like Joel. Silly person. And I think he said it was Sportsman’s Warehouse, not SG, although it’s sounding like SW isn’t being very user friendly either.

  8. Waepnedmann says:

    I had the same problem with SG.
    Terrapods has the solution:
    phone it in, otherwise, you may be tempted to do a mag dump on you screen.

  9. Waepnedmann says:

    Correction: SG=SW

  10. Norman says:

    And, once again, the Brick & Mortar Gang adminsters another Comprehension Failure Event about the magnificent gift of InterTubes AlGore blessed us with.

    ‘Fraid t-pod has it with Mr. Smith a close second. It’s at this point one has to decide just how much Fail one has tolerance for. The card is a zero investment, as is the penalty for ignoring it.

    The USPS charges for sending greenbacks is exactly the same as sending plastic wafers. Just sayin’ (I smell re-gifting going on).

  11. Mark Matis says:

    Ah, but the USPS frequently acquires those greenbacks during the shipment process, Norman. And when they do, you are as fully SOL as possible. The “surest” way to donate is the “Donate” button above, although that also will fail if PayPal (or whoever runs it for Joel) decides he is not the type of person they wish to enable.

    My bet is still that the problem lies here:
    https://wbiprod.storedvalue.com/wbisoa/lookupservlet?language=en&host=sportsmans.com

To the stake with the heretic!