Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

She doesn’t do it as well as Bill, but she does do it better than Donald.

So this week both our beloved presidential candidates were called upon to display their Jesus card. Clinton, quite prepared for this elementary exercise in wholesale politics, just called for her I’m Very Religious Speech #4: Black Baptist Preachers. “My study … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Why is there no chicken-related equivalent to Anatidaephobia?

Anatidaephobia is supposedly* a pervasive, irrational fear that you’re being watched by a duck. I don’t have that fear, nor any need for it: Any duck around here would be a profoundly misplaced creature. However… …I do frequently feel as … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I didn’t know it was possible for hipster consumerism to jump the shark.

I always thought of it as the act of shark-jumping in itself. Anybody who’d bore a 1″ hole in his earlobe needs give no further evidence that he’s a silly person. As is often the case in matters sociological, I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Introducing Landlady’s bouncing baby electrical system!

The batteries are at the end of their projected service life, but they’re top of the line and have rarely been run very low. The only way they’ve been abused is that they’ve frequently not been topped off. So I’m … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

What a pleasant day for once!

Temps in the high eighties, mild breeze, and sun! Sun (apparently) all day! I can barely remember such a phenomenon. Got a late start outside because I wanted to roast one of those frozen lumps of pork I have in … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

I’m trying to find a way to dance in blood without the appearance of blood-dancing…

Aw, screw it. I’ll go for snark. Chicago clearly needs more aggressive gun control. The number of [2016] shooting victims in Chicago stood at 2,514 Thursday morning. At this time last year, 1,725 people had been shot. The city has … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Okay, I’m just going to go ahead and call that a sign from above…

I had planned to revise one of those roof racks for my new solar panel array… But the more I got into it the more it seemed like one of those lazy expedients I was going to wish I’d worked … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

All these dog studies, discovering all these obvious things…

I went the first fifty-odd years of my life having very little to do with dogs. Never owned one, never had the time. When people asked if I liked dogs – a remarkably common question – I used to reply … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Further destruction at Landlady’s, and the beginning of rebirth

I didn’t take any Before pictures, alas… But the electrical system’s entrails are now its extrails…

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Welcome to the Donald and Hillary show!

Allow me to put on my Great Swamitini hat and predict today’s news: Today, Donald Trump said something brainless and inflammatory and emails were leaked proving once again that Hillary Clinton is a mentally deviant crook who will always profit … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

“Death by GPS”

A few years ago my neighbors S&L invited some friends to come visit their desert place. The friends refused the necessary detailed driving instructions – “Just give us your coordinates, and our GPS will guide us in.” I remarked that … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Well, hell. RIP, Mike Vanderboegh.

Courtesy of Claire I get word that Mike Vanderboegh has passed away. Not a surprise, of course: He lasted months beyond what the doctors gave him. I’ll confess to not really being Vanderboegh’s biggest fan. Though of course I was … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Okay, I’m no longer convinced this is my best idea ever…

So this morning LB and I went to collect those two old solar panel racks from Landlady’s yard. No, we’re not stealing anything; she’ll want them gone no matter what I end up doing with them.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Consider the humble flashlight…

Yeah, I’m just going to go on eating crow over this. I said unkind things about this flashlight when someone first kindly donated it to me, and since then it has become an essential part of my belt gear. To … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

The contradiction of a “non-materialistic” lifestyle is how materialistic you get.

People who concentrate on being “non-materialistic” are always thinking about material. Curiously when you’re just poor, you sometimes think about that too. But not like it’s a bad thing. Sometimes it’s in a creative way. And sometimes you just have … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

You kids. Off my lawn till later.

I have to go to the big town about 50 miles away today. Be gone most of the day. Hopefully it’ll go better than last time. Stupid Wal-Mart. Guess I should start working on that grumpy mood now, huh? It’ll … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

You see the color of the sky in those pics in the preceding post?

I took those at just about exactly quarter after eight. Weather guy on the radio said we’re due for a drier spell for a couple of days, so this seemed like a good time to catch up with laundry. By … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

So as soon as Landlady left yesterday we looted her solar panels…

Carefully handed the panels down the ladder, then unbolted the racks. One came down carefully, the other…did the other thing. It’s likely firewood but the first one is still fairly stiff. To my surprise, painted something besides bright red and … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

“Will we have throw pillows after the apocalypse? Because I think not.”

…Said I. To which Landlady replied, “[L] will have throw pillows after the apocalypse. And they’ll be lovely.” Me: “Okay, yeah. I forgot about [L]. So yes, there will be throw pillows after the apocalypse. Just not here.” Landlady: “Takes … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments

I’ve always said it takes a special sort of person to be a government spokesvermin…

Requires superhuman ability to keep a straight face.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment