The Ultimate Answer to Kings

…because I figured there’d be nothing to see.

Animals always seem to go somewhere else when the weather gets funky.

But yesterday morning I saw mulies in the wash, which reminded me that I ought to at least go check the batteries.

Swapped out the memory card while I was doing that, and this was almost literally the closest thing to an action shot in over two weeks…

No animals, no animal tracks, nothing. The ice is thick but it has separated from the tire. I’ll need to chip it carefully away from the float, though, if I really take it into my head to clear the waterer. Probably I’ll come back in a couple of days and see how nature is doing without my help.

There’s nothing to do but smile and pretend to love mud for a couple of days. So raise a Milk and yell,

But avoid ash deposits unless you enjoy sinking to your thighs.

Yesterday morning things went from slick ice to sucking quagmire with appalling speed. Neighbor D, a very conservative driver, was sideways in his big pickup for much of the trip home from town when driving on the frozen slush for the trip out wasn’t any big deal. My best hope is that the sun will stay out and we can get this over with in time for Landlady to come visit.

I have to go to town this morning to do the thing I failed to accomplish Saturday, buy some propane. The Jeep is covered in thick hard frost in the shadow of the Lair, so I went out to let it warm up. Then I climbed a little way up the hillside behind the Lair to see how much progress the bedroom roof had made in shedding its snow load, and saw the frost just starting to melt from the solar panels and south-facing cement board.

Today’s supposed to be a repeat of yesterday, frigid in the morning and ankle-deep in slush in the afternoon. To my surprise the ground is still most snow covered and I hope a lot of it is sublimating rather than melting because that might have an effect on the inevitable mud which will still undoubtedly be epic, though delayed.

Really time to get on with it now. Hear me whine.

…Until you can perform the Jet Li Maneuver.

Of course when you’re Gun Jesus, you don’t do it with a measly Beretta 92. Any highly skilled Chinese actor can do that. Quick: Name an obscure antique Czech pistol on which it can be done quicker, easier and without cheating.

In fact if anything it lowballed its prediction. Woke up this morning and the space heater was just running on pilot. Let Laddie out to pee and there was liquid water on the porch floor from the snow dripping off the viga floorboards. Liquid water, at 5 ayem! Is that even possible?

Outside temp is an indicated 38^o! Oh, the mud is going to be epic.

House fires, too, I guess. Though burning your own house down takes extra levels of dumb.

A total of 16 fire personnel were called to put out the fire, which caused $150,000 in losses to the structure and $50,000 worth of contents, Russell said.

The occupant said he’d put some wood stove ashes in a metal bucket on the back deck two or three days earlier. On Thursday, Russell said, he moved the ashes to the plastic garbage can on the deck, thinking they were cold and dead out.

h/t to JP

I took those two empty propane bottles to town this morning. It was the principal reason I wanted to go at all; I dragged around all the early morning whining to myself about how I really didn’t want to go to town.

There’s only one place in town that reliably sells propane and is also open on Saturday.

Guess who’s out of propane.

So now I have to go back to town on Monday morning to do it again. I did stop at the hardware and order two more propane bottles, and I’ll admit that at the time I was feeling kind of extravagant for doing so. Now, not so much.

Yes, I have enough propane to last till Monday.

Neighbor L texted this morning that I should bring what laundry I had over to her place this morning, since this is supposed to be the last sunny day in a while. Yesterday after the last chicken run I parked the Jeep up at Ian’s turnaround, as I’ve been doing for the past few days…

It’s about 30 feet higher than the Secret Lair and avoids the steep part of my driveway, which has become like unto a luge run. It also gets the Jeep out of the shadows, which in my hollow are still deep at this time of year. So if I park with the front of the Jeep facing sunrise, the windshield is clear of the heavy frost by the time I need it.

There aren’t many times during the average year when having learned to drive in Michigan is a big help here in the high desert, but I’m spending my short driving time recalling old lessons. We’re in mountains and this is one of the very few straight and level stretches between me and S&L’s place…

Even after yesterday’s sun there’s still a lot of snow on the road because the temperature hasn’t left the 20’s. It’s supposed to cloud up tomorrow but get into the 40’s and then the driving situation will change suddenly. It’s easier to get around in snow when it’s good and cold than when it turns to slop, but if you take your mind off the job you can still find yourself suddenly driving sideways and wondering what’s going to stop you. Foot off the brake, steer into the skid.

The ONE SINGLE disadvantage to having my very own propane bedroom heater is the rate of consumption, which in the past ten days has been prodigious. I brought back two full bottles on Monday, and this morning I connected the second one to the regulator. I didn’t actually blow through 14 gallons in 5 days, the now-empty two were already on the way to being expended, but the heater has been going pretty much full time. Terrapod, bless his heart, has already financed a fifth bottle for that application, and recent TUAK contributions have allowed me to deepen my reserve. We’re (hopefully) reaching the end of what (hopefully) will prove to have been the worst cold snap of ’18-’19, but it certainly won’t be the only one. So next time to town I’ll be ordering an additional two bottles, heading right past luxury to downright decadence. It was 4^o above zero F this morning and it is so nice not to lie there dreading the moment when you can no longer postpone throwing back the blankets, I just can’t tell you. The past couple of winters were quite mild, mostly, and I’ve waited two years for a full test of the Secret Lair’s new winter-resisting powers. There are some changes to the plumbing and floor insulation I want to make this coming building season, but they’re really just tweaks. This has been one of the most severe cold and storm periods we’ve had since I came to the desert 12 years ago, and by far the most comfortable.

Gad, but it’s nice to see the sky again.

My batteries think so, too.

They were as low as I’ve ever seen them before sunrise, but unless things change dramatically I can count on a nice soaking charge at mid-day.

Of course there’s a price to pay for that…

Even so, it was actually very pleasant to make my rounds this morning. I did the chickens and then went and checked on Landlady’s mousetraps and some properties I normally look in on from time to time, just to catch up. The snow is squeaking and I left the Jeep up at Ian’s turn-around because sliding down the steep part of my driveway is no fun at all, but other than that it was quite nice. I find to my surprise that, after all these years, I’m finally pretty well equipped for a long cold spell.

The temperature is scheduled to warm up on Saturday, at which point all this snow will turn to mud and I’ll go back to hating life. 🙁

ALSO: I find that I have been remiss! I’ve not paid the slightest attention to my Paypal account, and was just this minute informed by the TUAK Chief Financial Officer that several people have hit the tip jar in the past, er, month or more. Sorry about not acknowledging that, but the truth is I forgot it was there. Serendipitous, though, because I was just fretting over how much propane I’ve burned through so far this winter. Thanks to all who contribute, at the tip jar, care packages, or just commenting from time to time and letting me know you’re out there. I do appreciate it.

It got bloody cold.

Private to feralfae, if you’re out there:

That sweet Honda generator you so generously gifted me year before last was today involved in the successful rescue of a young couple who picked the wrong time and place to go tent camping.

We got their batteries recharged and the engine block warmed up but the truck still wouldn’t start because he was unaware of this thing called winter formulation diesel. He filled the tank with fuel from the city down in the valley where it never gets cold and didn’t know the trouble he was making for himself and his wife.

I asked him about it first thing and he didn’t know the answer, so when the batteries were finally charged and the block heater was warm but the engine still wouldn’t start we took the Mr. Heater from their tent and put it under the fuel tank. That worked in much less time than I would have guessed.

They came to see the snow, and got rather a better look at it than intended. So they’re on their way back to civilization and I’m back where it’s warm.

There’s a young couple who own a parcel right on the road from my driveway to the “main” road. They come up and camp sometimes and I’ll stop and say hi. We got more snow overnight, which means we currently have 1.8 imperial shit tons of snow, to the point where it’s becoming a burden to even drive. I moved the Jeep to Ian’s turnaround yesterday so I wouldn’t have as much trouble getting up the ridge, and damned if I still didn’t have trouble getting the rest of the way up the ridge. Too much snow.

So I finally succeeded, and on my way down the road what to my wondering eyes should appear but that young couple and their tent! By my thermometer it hit 14^o last night. They waved: I waved back but I was already past and didn’t know if they saw me.

It occurred to me on my way back, after chicken chores, that they could have been interpreted as rather frantically waving. I decided I should not only wave on my way past but stop to say hi. Couldn’t help noticing that their truck’s hood was open when I got there, putting another log on the “Yeah, that was frantic” fire.

Big diesel truck, both batteries dead. “Can you give us a jump?” I can try, but it isn’t going to work.

It didn’t work. So then I went home and got the generator and some gasoline, a couple of extension cords, a battery charger and my Battery Minder. With the duplex outlet on one cord I could plug in their batteries and their block heater, but I don’t know if they have winter fuel in that thing. If they don’t, there’s towing in their future.

Since I had so completely drained the Honda it took a long embarrassing time to get started. But when it finally hit, it ran like a champ. Now I’ve left them with all my stuff and we’ll see if that fixes their problem. If not I can’t tow that truck with the Jeep through all this slop: The transmission is too worn. So I’ll have to get other neighbors involved. Personally I think the campers are about to meet the neighbors.

Oh! And look what my babies left me!

That’s the second and third eggs the new Leghorns have popped out! Gave the first one to Neighbor L a couple of days ago: After all they’re technically her birds. There will be eggs this winter! I had wondered.

It’s been going on for days.

That stupid rabbit.

He’ll sit right there in the open for hour after hour. If he didn’t twitch his ears from time to time I’d think he was dead. He disappears at night, he must have a den somewhere. But for some reason, ever since the weather went so far to hell, he seems to prefer to spend his days crouching right there.

I moved the Jeep closer to the road yesterday and need to use the path next to him to get to it. Probably he’ll move away when I do. But I bet he’ll be back shortly after, and there he’ll stay till dark.

Seems like odd behavior, not that I pretend to know what goes on in a rabbit’s head.

But he wants it to be understood that he’s not trying to bother me. Unless I don’t take the hint and it becomes necessary.

He’s really not into this “sit around all afternoon while Uncle Joel reads a book” thing. He can put up with it for about two hours at a stretch, and then something must be done.

So first he rises, has a stretch, maybe gives himself a good scratch on the rug…

Checks to see if he has my attention…

If he’s not quite sure because I haven’t taken the bait he’ll check a little closer…

And this can go on for some time until I tire of the game and call him over, at which point…

And if I ask him if he wants a walkie, which is definitely what he wants, he flies into a dance like that’s just the greatest idea ever and how clever I am to have thought of it!

Sigh – and then I have to go through the time consuming rigmarole of putting my wet boots on so we can go plow some new paths in the snow and maybe have a squirt. We’ll be out for like two minutes and then he’s through until another two hours or so, when it’ll start all over.

If I’m really fighting my way through weather to do something, and that doesn’t happen very often, I want the trip to be worthwhile. I was concerned about the chicken yard top cover, and this is what I saw when I arrived…

As I kind of hoped all along, dry powder doesn’t stick to chicken wire like the wet heavy stuff does. It didn’t need me.

And the ladies were sensibly staying indoors…

…which put them one up on me in the common sense department. It wasn’t a wasted trip, of course – their water was completely fouled and then completely frozen, and they were out of pellets. So all in all they were as happy to see me as they ever are. But it was an interesting trip.

This is, I’m fairly sure, easily the biggest snowfall we’ve had since I moved here twelve years ago. I measured a solid seven inches of new powder on the porch floor and the roof of the tin shed – 6″ on the solar panels. I have one pair of lined jeans, and by the time I got home they were caked with ice halfway to the knee. Maybe common in Montana, it’s certainly not uncommon in Michigan, but that’s why I don’t live in either of those places. I hate winter, and winter has well and truly come to Joel’s Gulch.

Fortunately I just learned that I’m off the hook for the one other thing that might drag me farther away from the Lair than the woodshed, so I’m gonna take my boot off, have another cup of coffee and stay awhile where it’s warm. 🙂

I need to get going and clean off the chicken top cover while I still have it but I can’t drive in this mess till I can see. I wouldn’t make it out of the driveway. Certainly wouldn’t make it through the wash. The old snow was getting glassy by yesterday noon, I couldn’t even back the Jeep up to the cabin till I put it back in 4WD. Now there’s at least six inches of new powder, I haven’t measured it yet but it’s a lot.

Standing here with everything but my coat on, I’ll leave as soon as I can see.

Nice and warm inside, though…

Finished sweeping off the Jeep but I’ve decided it isn’t feasible to drive from here. Should have thought to move it nearer the road yesterday afternoon. So I’ll walk: it’s not really very cold but traction is going to be a bitch, plus it seems that for the very first time in my experience here I’ll literally be wading through snow drifts. It was hard enough just trudging around the Jeep. So have mercy on us sinners, and off I go.

It started snow around seven yesterday evening.

Judging purely from the path Laddie had to plow to get to his juniper, this is the biggest snowfall yet and still coming down. All fluffy powder, so maybe it won’t be too heavy on the chickens’ top cover before I can get there to knock it off.

A corgi determined to get through snow that’s higher than he is is a hilarious sight, even at 4 in the morning.

…and spent too much money. But it’s all caught up now and I can spend the cold snap inside, excepting chicken chores of course, without worrying about running out of water or propane. Or chicken feed for that matter.

#150 of pellets and cracked corn, ten gallons of gasoline, fourteen gallons of propane, fifteen gallons of water. And a frozen pizza. 🙂

Neighbor D and I had to wait our turn in line for the water dispenser this morning, and we weren’t the only ones…

That 500-gallon tank took a long time to fill, 50 gallons at a time. Better him than me, but lots of people in the desert either don’t have wells at all or use trailer tanks for their livestock. I think a lot of people outside town looked at the forecast and decided this was a good day for that pesky trip to town.

Yesterday was really kind of pleasant by recent standards. Got all the way up to 35 and I did my afternoon chores in a hoodie. Woke up this morning and the outdoor temperature was a shocking 30^o. Could it be a reprieve?

First cup in hand, I sat down to look at the forecast. Ah, the temperature was climbing because of that thick blanket of snow clouds coming to grace us with more white stuff. Curiously I just poked my head out to confirm that, and I see stars. So I don’t know. Anyway after that the temperature is supposed to crash again, this time bottoming below zero, with no relief until at least Saturday. So don’t put that Sorel boot away just yet.

Good time for a less-frigid interlude because the water run got rescheduled for this morning and I don’t want to shiver through filling my water bottles. Also propane bottles and gas cans. Basically not a good morning for single-digit or stormy weather, but after that I’m mostly going to go back to sitting around so it can get as cold as it likes and I should be fine if Uncle Murphy will give me a break for a week.

Here’s something wierd, I just got up to feed the fire and in the time it took to thumb out the two paragraphs above the indicated outdoor temperature dropped six degrees. Still mid-twenties which is much less cold than the previous two mornings, but still an indication as if I needed one that I don’t really know what’s going on out there.